One of the best things I did with my kid.
On Jamie’s 18th birthday
I sat him down in front of the television and played him a video of his three-year-old self. He burst out laughing so hard — tears rolled down his cheeks.
In the classic experiment from the 1970s, psychologist Walter Mischel placed a small treat in front of young children. He offered them a choice; they could either enjoy the treat immediately or wait a brief period and earn two sweet treats instead.
When the Mischel left the room, many children couldn’t wait; they ate the treat (often a cookie or marshmallow). …
How to be as happy as a child
Humans are limited only by their lack of curiosity.
If you are the proud owner of a brain, find a bench in a busy part of the city, then sit and watch. Notice the cars, buses and lorries vying to get in the right lane. Drivers frustrated by drivers.
Cyclists zipping up the inside lane. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of people walking; scurrying, pushing, crowding, teeming, all intent on getting to their destination. The old and the young. The rich and the poor. Men, women and children all moving away from a place they don’t want to be.
That’s life.
We are always going somewhere and when we get there…
They only want to tell you about…
YOU — I have a great big throbbing sore toe, I stubbed it on a stoic.
MEDIUM — This is how I quit my job and make a gazillion dollars every month.
— What about my sore toe?
— Do this if you need to do to get in better shape — and it’s not what you think.
— It probably is what I think.
— The trouble with you is you are standing still.
— Yeah, because I’ve got a sore toe.
— Life is more about good habits than feeling pain.
— Have you seen my toe, though?
…
And how to get off without a ticket if stopped by the police.
If you were to bump into my nineteen-year-old self, I’m pretty sure you’d think, “cocky little upstart!”
You’d be mistaken.
It wasn’t cockiness; I wasn’t as confident or self-assured as I let on. I was just a naïve lad with no life experience. Immature as the next randy teenager who wants to earn enough pennies to drink beer and pluck up the courage to ask a girl out.
Yet, there I was, joining the Scottish police, without a clue to what I was letting myself in for.
It turned out policing was like sex; I wasn’t sure if I was…
It takes a strength of character few possess.
It is all too easy to become riled when people try to bully or intimidate. We recoil at the injustice when people lie about us. We let our emotions boil over and we lash back when needled by a hostile person.
That’s what Trump does. He pokes and prods until he finds his target’s hot button — that one little niggle that makes people react.
I’ve met people like Trump — hell, I grew up with one.
They know how to goad a response. How to raise the hairs on the back of your neck. …
And their sparklingly wicked, prophetic, or remarkable quotes.
This is the order they popped into my head.
The Hobbit — J.R.R Tolkein.
Russian researchers attached GPS trackers to migrating eagles, but it cost more than they bargained for.
Russian scientists wanted to know where their steppe eagles went when they migrated.
The study was useful in identifying behavior patterns. Power lines are a particular threat to the birds, which are endangered in Russia and Central Asia.
They fitted 13 eagles with collars containing SMS transmitters. These could transmit a GPS signal every minute, allowing the researchers to gather their exact coordinates as the eagles migrated. The team used satellite images to see if the birds reached a safe location.
They didn’t reckon on roaming charges.
They might have been frequent flyers, but they didn’t get a discount. During the summer in Kazakhstan, one unit accumulated thousands of SMS messages over a period of four months. …
You could be missing out on an opportunity.
My boss once told me I don’t suffer fools gladly.
“Don’t be stupid,” I told him. He was an idiot. I suffer fools all the time because that’s what we non-fools have to do.
Fools are everywhere. Without fools, we don’t have a measure for our own foolishness. We would skip through life, thinking everything is hunky-dory — oblivious to our own stupidity.
“When you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It’s only painful and difficult for others. The same applies when you are stupid.” Ricky Gervais.
It is not until fools articulate their thoughts that we realize, ‘Hey, maybe I got this after all.’ I mean…
HUMOR
To be, (a writer), or not to be: that is the question.
You need to follow the instructions.
All that glitters is not gold.
This one doesn’t quite feel like a fit, so I think we’ll pass. Really appreciate your sending it.
All the world’s a stage.
Sorry, it doesn’t feel quite right for us.
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet…
You need to get a feel for what we like, read all our stuff and try again, or not.
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
We publish funny writing: premise-driven humor pieces, humorous essays, and a bit of…
Mobile phones, police radios and an angry chief.
Nowadays, everyone has a mobile.
People need not get out their beds or up off their chairs to call the police. They simply move their right hand, punch three numbers into their mobile and their call rings through. And because they can, they do.
You would be surprised how little an irk or minor annoyance can spur people into calling the police. The 999 system (911 in the US) is there for emergencies, yet it is unbelievable what people use it for;
“I’m starving, where is the nearest kebab shop?”
“Is it safe to reheat mushroom risotto?”
“My wife won’t have sex with me.”
“I’ve…
Malky McEwan
Wrote a funny memoir, people liked it so he wrote some more. Creator of Killer Stories on Medium - stories with a twist/humour.
