I had to laugh when I compared it to what we did in the police

Photo by Shuniya Studios on Unsplash

In a leaked memo, Elon Musk sent every employee in Tesla his six rules for productivity. Unsurprisingly, they are good.

I had to laugh when I compared it to what we did in the police — and I bet they are still doing it.

#1. Leave a meeting if you are not contributing.

Walk out of a meeting or hang up the phone the moment you realise you are not contributing. If you are not adding value — get the hell out of there. It is not rude to leave, it is rude to waste other people’s time.

I once got up to walk out of a meeting —…


Serious Humour

Although there might be more where you live

Police Man and Police Woman Plastic Toy
Police Man and Police Woman Plastic Toy
Photo by Pixabay from Pexels

A cop confessed to being a bastard

And he provided a litany of tell-tales to back up his claim. It would be hard to argue with him, given his 10 years on the job and his jaw-dropping admissions.

Except, that’s not how it is — not where I live.

I have three times more experience as a police officer in Bonnie Scotland. I’m actually kinda proud of the job I did, and here was this former cop telling me all cops are bastards. I admit I took the humph.

I thought there was there was only one type of bastard in the police — and his name…


And there’s nothing you or Elon Musk can do about it

The future of cryptocurrency photo
The future of cryptocurrency photo
The future of cryptocurrency Photo by Alesia Kozik from Pexels

It’s pump and dump, and you’re going to come down on your rump with a bump

According to bestselling author Harry Dent, who is adamant Bitcoin is in for a rough ride over the next year. Dent predicted all markets would crash in April, it didn’t come. He changed it to June and people are beginning to wonder if he is now right.

His argument is fairly compelling. Some would counter-argue that if you predict doom and gloom for long enough, you will eventually be right. The worrying thing is he has to be right sometimes.

The baby boom generation caused the greatest growth wave in the history of the world. …


Why not plunge a knife in my stomach and give it a twist instead

Photo of gutted man by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels

Yeah, I was gutted.

I write a delicious variety of funny nonsense on a diverse array of topics. They aren’t all going to resonate with everyone, I know that.

You see, I’m lucky, I’m comfortable enough in my unextraordinary skin that I don’t have to bleed. I can wake up, mull over an idea and think it would be a good idea to chap it out and post it on Medium or I can go golfing.

But every now and then I get an idea into my head that I truly believe is worth sharing because it imparts valuable knowledge…


Fahrenheit 2021 — the recycle bin

Chalk image of man dropping litter in bin
Chalk image of man dropping litter in bin
Chalk man and litter bin Photo by Gary Chan on Unsplash

If you are chewing your way through a book and it’s too tough, tepid or tasteless, you need to stop.

Every minute you spend on a book that isn’t delivering is half an hour wasted.

When your mind isn’t engaged, it wanders.

It takes another 30 minutes to concentrate on the text—and then your brain is off again, firing its synapses over the conversation you had with your boss or the argument you had with your spouse.

I used to take pride in starting what I finished. If it’s getting your degree or building a fence, that’s okay. …


No, it won’t — actually, I tried it and it worked

Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

But I can’t unknow what I know. And if you are single and want to attract someone you like, then why the hell not use this proven formula. I mean, is it any different to all the other pantomimes you go through to charm a mate?

You don’t go out on the pull in your dressing gown and slippers — not unless you are Arthur Dent.

You get dolled up, showered, shaved (yes, you too ladies), you splash on the aftershave, cake on the make-up, and squeeze yourself into that little red dress (whatever guys).

Then you head out to…


If we want to be able to look our children in the eye

Photo by Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash

On the day it hit the bookshops, the women in my life put their Sophie Kinsella on hold to read Michelle Obama’s new book.

When they cooed and purred over the pages, I put my earphones in and turned up the music. When they scudded me over the head with the hardback, I grabbed the dog’s lead.

Guys don’t read women’s autobiographies

Men are born, go to school, get a job and then believe stupid things. It’s a wonder how I managed to raise 3 heart-creakingly handsome and successful kids.

Two years later, Michelle Obama gave her speech. The women…


So good they are worth a reminder

Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

Sharpen the saw

A man watched his neighbour cutting down a tree. After a few hours, he couldn’t take it anymore. He approached and offered advice.

“You will find it easier if you sharpen the saw.”

“But that will take half an hour,” his neighbour replied, “I don’t have the time.”

We do the same thing with our lives. We can’t find 30 minutes to exercise, so our health deteriorates and we spiral into even lazier patterns of behaviour. When we are less healthy, we are slower and achieve less.

We can’t find 30 minutes to study and learn how to do our…


TRAVEL. NATURE. WILDLIFE

And it’s not this handsome fellow

Photo by Jacco Rienks on Unsplash

The midge

noun

  1. a small or minute two-winged fly that forms swarms and breeds near water or marshy areas.

The Scottish midge is a pesky little chap, especially on the west coast where the wet soil, bogs and mires are ideal breeding grounds.

Pound for pound, a midge packs a bigger punch than Mike Tyson.

It has a wingspan of 1.4 mm and a weight of 0.5 micrograms, yet for its small size, they are the irredeemable hooligans of the Highlands.

Scientists discovered they use their heads to gyrate like a jigsaw power tool and force their sharp jaws deep into the…


Attitude + Inspiration = practical takeaway

How to think like Richard Branson? British business magnate, Richard Branson, founder of the Virgin Group was 4-years-old and a mile from his grandparent's house when his mom pushed him out of the car and drove off.

Why? Richard Branson suspects he was being a bit of a brat, and his mother was the type of person who tried to teach him to stand on his own two feet. Contrary to what I thought would happen, Richard Branson said he got lost in a field and ended up being rescued by a farmer.

I’m sceptical. I don’t think little Richard…

Curious about the human species.

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